Not Really Alone

I think that all parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, or even just adults in general, at some point feel they are alone. When you are in a position where others, especially children, count on you, this makes it happen even more. So, when you are a parent of special needs teens and you are physically disabled yourself, well, you are doomed to feel this way a lot. Over the last 17 years, I have felt alone a lot. This was never the people in my life like my family's fault. It was on me. I expected perfection from myself, and that is what I showed. I always put on a smile, even if I was screaming for help on the inside. Not that it mattered really. I wouldn't have accepted help if it was right there. Many times I even turned down help that was offered, insisting that I didn't need it, when I really did. As a mom, I felt like I had to remain a rock for my kids. As a wife, I couldn't embarrass my husband by letting anyone know I needed help. As a modern woman, wasn't I supposed to be made of steel? This was hard enough when my kids were little. I had reoccurring health issues, but my drs wrote them off as stress of having four toddlers at once. It wasn't until I was unable to feel from the middle of my chest down , that we worried. Being diagnosed with an incurable neurological disorder at 26, with 4 kids ranging from 3-7, it was the worst thing I could have heard at the moment. Because of my "need" for perfection, I didn't seek out others with this disease, or really talk to my drs. I thought I could deal all by myself. Those that know me, know that my ex had a big role in that too, but it was me that ultimately made the choice to try to ignore it. These last few years, as you know have been full of major ups and downs. Many times I felt completely alone. I realized something though.... While I may not have someone here with me, other than my kids (had to add that in case they read this so they know I am talking about an other adult), I was never alone. I don't mean just because God was always with me either. There isn't an other adult for me to share responsibilities with, no one else is here to take care of me when I cant get out of bed, but there are always people that love me and my kids watching out for us. If my kids need anything, they have a grandmother that does everything she can to help make sure they get it. If I need to take them to the Drs, their adopted grandma is always there...etc. Our family is huge, and messy, and we don't get to see each other much, but they are still there and as soon as they see us, no matter how long its been, they let us know how much they love us. Our adopted family is always there whenever we need them, even if we don't realize that we do. They call the cops as soon as they see certain people in our town, they show up with special treats for my kids, they are so happy every time they see us. I might not have an other adult in the house, but I have even better, love. My children and I are loved in the best ways possible. Adopted family members that live too far away to see, send their love over the internet, the ones close by, in person, and the ones that cant see us in person, are watching over us from Heaven. So, the next time, like we all do, you feel alone, remember that no one is truly alone, no matter how much it may seem like you are. There is always someone that loves you somewhere.