It's a funny world isn't it?

It is funny how when facing something like illness, your priorities change. The things that you used to view as important, or think you couldn't live without: you realize how insignificant they are. When I was first diagnosed with MS my biggest fear was being in a wheelchair. I didn't know how I could still be as active as I was used to being from a wheelchair. Well I have to say, after being in a wheel chair and now having the strength back to walk, I now realize that not having proper use of my legs was pretty much on the bottom of the list of things that were important. It is hard when you have to realize the reality of what is to come. I had a Dr.s appt. today. The whole way there I was praying for the Dr. to tell me that they had found something, anything but what he did tell me. I am sure people will throw a fit at me for saying this, but if you sit and think logically, you will understand what I am saying. There are so many things that it could have been that I could at least hope for a cure, or anything to help me get better. When the Dr. drops the bomb that it is the MS, all hope flies out the window. I know that it is almost impossible for someone who has never been sick to understand. The first words of "comfort" that I received after my appt. were "well, you're doing better than you were before because you can walk". I know that those words were supposed to be comforting, but they just made me mad. Yes I can walk, but every night when I lay down, I feel like someone is slicing at my legs with a jagged knife. I cant control my bladder, and the muscles to my bowels are too weak so my body is filling with toxins causing me to get sicker, I cant remember if I have eaten, brushed my teeth, or when the last shower I had was without writing everything down. Even then, I forget where I wrote it. I found four books when I rearranged my room, and all I had written almost the same thing, that I was starting this book so that I can try to remember things that go on during the day. I shake too badly for me to draw or paint, my lungs aren't strong enough for me to sing anymore, everything I once loved is now a memory that I cant even remember. But I am supposed to be thankful that I can walk.