One of the hardest things I deal with, with my MS is when I can no longer do things that I loved. Last Saturday my church held a "Creative Arts" class. I went to this class, honestly, to prove to myself that I could still do everything I used to. Yes, I know that I was setting myself up for failure, but if you ever met me, you wouldn't expect any less from me. The class was split up through the day, incorporating music, dance, writing, and painting. All centered around opening your mind and heart to hear what the holy spirit was telling you. There was so much that happened, that I will split it up into two posts. I'm going to talk about mainly the paining now. It was broke down into three steps, with activities in between to allow the layers to dry. The first step was just to use warm colors only to cover the canvas completely. Of course everyone's paintings look alike at this point because there are only so many warm colors of paint to use. Of course, I went into this with a solid plan as to what I was painting. I started off with making rings of color starting with yellow at the center and ending with brown at the outside. I was feeling very good about all of it. That is, until the instructor gave us the rules for the second layer. It must have showed in my face because she looked at me and said I had to do it too. We had to use only cool colors, and get this...mess up our painting. We had to use other tools like, credit cards, droppers, tissue paper..etc.. At first I just sat staring at my canvas. I had a plan. I had drawn out a sketch of what my painting was going to be. I couldn't mess it up. Then how was I going to do what I wanted? Sounds like a familiar scenario in many parts of our lives, doesn't it? The teacher walked around commenting on everyone's paintings so far, but I had done nothing. She didn't say anything, just smiled at me and put her hand on my shoulder. Then it hit me. I wasn't supposed to be planning, that's not how God works. I said a quick prayer to myself and got started. In minutes, my painting was coming alive. Streaks and blotches of cool colors blending and melding together making my painting into something I never pictured. By the time the teacher said to stop, I had created something that really was looking cool. I was excited during lunch picturing the million different ways it could go. The third step, was to use other mediums creatively. I knew right away what I was supposed to do. Searching the table, I found felt stars, beads, lace, and wire. Sitting down at my painting I got to work. a little manipulation later and I had a heart shaped cage, a pair of lace wings and a felt dove. It was clear what the holy spirit was showing me. The night before, I had prayed for God to open my heart to love if it was his plan. It was, my painting became a dove, carrying the cage that was around my heart into the sun. That's when it hit me. My heart wasn't opened just to love, but to change, and adjusting. I could still do everything I loved, I just had to accept that I had to do it differently than what I wanted or expected. We all can. If you love writing, but cant hold a pencil or even type, you can use a speech to text app. If you love to dance, dance while sitting. Trust me, its still a lot of fun. If you open your heart and mind, God will show you how to use the talents and love that he gave you.
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