Anger

One of the worse things about being sick and trying to live like your not, is dealing with anger. Anger about what the disease does to you, anger that no one seems to understand or expects more out of you than you can give, anger having to hear people whine about things that really in the greater scheme of things mean nothing. This is something that I have been dealing with a lot lately. I have had many times in the last month where I have had to come to the conclusion that this disease is going to keep me from things I love. I can no longer play instruments, draw, paint, really do anything that requires great dexterity with my hands. When I talk to anyone, I feel like a bumbling idiot. I trip over words, stutter, stammer, ect. Half the time I cant remember what I am talking about half way thru the sentence. Riding a bike or even a horse are out of the question. I have had to listen while people complain because they cant understand what is wrong with them because their car broke down, or because the rain made them have to cancel their picnic at the beach. Now I am not belittling other peoples problems, I am just stating what makes me mad. I honest to God had to listen the other day while a man was talking about his mother dying of cancer and he said " as she was dying I kept asking her, why is God doing this to me" yes you read that right. He was not wondering why God let his mom get sick, but he wanted to know why God was punishing him. I understand that other people go thru things when we are sick, but to completely turn it around to be about you is just sick. I have been working two part-time jobs and it is doing a lot of damage to my health, but it is necessary. When I get home from work I am in so much pain, and I just want to be able to lay down, but cant because I have to deal with other peoples problems (not my kids) whose problems always have to supersede my own no matter what. I just want to smack people some times, but I cant because it would hurt my hands too much.